one year of no john deere

It's been a little over a year since I took a leave of absence from John Deere. At the time I decided to take that leave I was frustrated in my job, ready to spend more time with Lily, and waiting for our second child to be born. A lot has happened changed since then but my desire to take a leave is not one of them.

It's funny how life changes. 5 years ago I was completely career focused and driven - thinking constantly about my work performance and the next step or move. I wondered what other people thought about my work, if they thought I was good at my job, and/or if I deserved that next promotion.  Now my thoughts aren't that much different, just the subject of focus is. Now I wonder if I am doing the right things with my kids, challenging them enough with their development, feeding them the right foods, maintaining a good balance of self play and interacting with them. Of course I wonder what other moms think of me in this role as well. Do they think I'm a good mom, do they think my kids are well behaved, do they think I spend enough time with my kids, do they think I've let myself go. It seems strange that ones job title can be so different yet their standards and thoughts are so similar, isn't it? 

I sometimes envy that mom that works full time, thinking she has the best of both worlds. But then I think about how little time she really gets to spend with her kids, how hard it must be to get everyone up and out the door in the morning - including herself, I think about how her mind must never quit thinking about her to-do lists for both work and home, and then I don't envy her at all. How hard it would be to live in both worlds. And I think while some of these moms choose to work, some don't. 

So it's a weird place of discontentment and contentment at the same time, isn't it?

I've been finding my place in the world of stay at home mama's this past year. Really figuring out where I want, and need, to spend my time and focus and I've learned a few things.

1. I need to get out of the house. For my own sanity, the safety of my children, and the well being of my husband, I need to get out of the house.
2. I'm not like a lot of stay at home moms, but there are more stay at home moms like me than I thought. 
3. Working part time is a good balance for me. I need something intellectual to be stirring in my mind most of the time.
4. There are tons of opportunities to be involved with things that also involve your kids if you look for them.
5. Not all stay at home moms like being on the go.

So lets revisit #3 - working part time is a good balance for me. I knew this before I decided to stay at home full time, however, working part time had to be worth it. Meaning I needed to make enough money that off set the cost of paying someone to watch our kids, and it needed to be something I really enjoyed. And while working for John Deere definitely off set those costs it was to a point that I wasn't really enjoying what I was doing. So God led me to leave the corporation role and since then has been paving the way for new opportunities.

God has been working on a dream for my mom and I to go into business together for quite some time, and it seems some doors are finally opening for us. While I'm not ready to reveal what this opportunity entails, it is very exciting for us both and has given me something intellectual to focus on, which has been so good for me. I love feeling challenged, using my business skills that I've learned in school and in practice, and thinking about ways in which we can use our creativity. I do not know when things will pan out - it may be 6 months, it may be a year but things are definitely in the works and I am so incredibly excited and blessed for the opportunity to stay home with my little ones, which is allowing me to look into these said opportunities. Let the adventure continue :)