an honest heart

Today I write with an honest and open heart.

The months leading up to the Christmas season have been a bit difficult for me. It seemed like things in life for me were just unsettled and flat out difficult. While I was having a more than anticipated difficult time adjusting to 2 kids and staying at home full time we also moved to Ankeny.

I was excited about this move. I tend to like bigger cities, I was looking forward to living by my sister and best friend from college, and I wasn't sure I was quite ready to settle down "for good" in Cedar Falls. However, this transition and move for me was way more challenging than I expected.

The first few months of having Preston around were just plain hard. It seemed like one kid was always in need of a diaper change, I couldn't seem to get them to ever be asleep at the same time, I had forgotten how much a newborn eats and quickly became overwhelmed with the task of nursing, I then got a breast infection which caused nursing to be extremely painful, and things just seemed to be difficult. I felt totally unprepared for the task of 2 children and their demands. I felt like no one told me it was going to be this difficult, and if they did, I didn't believe them. Combine all this with the typical postnatal emotions and you have one hot mess!

Then we moved to Ankeny. My stress level elevated immensely and quite frankly I was just a bit sad. I felt like I didn't have anyone I could really talk to, Jimmy was putting in long hours at the office due to the adjustments surrounding a new job for him, and the days just seemed long.

So, those few months for me were just difficult. I didn't feel like myself, I felt a lot of sadness while I should have been feeling so grateful for our new life, I felt like moving was the wrong decision for our family when I should have been anxious to explore a new place.

So what changed and how are things now? One day I just realized I was being silly - it really is almost as simple as that. I talked to Jimmy about a lot of the feelings I had been holding inside - a lot of which he already knew because he knows me so well - and we just talked about things that we could change to make it better.

And so we have a list. A list of goals, changes, resolutions - whatever you want to call them, that we are focusing on, as a family and individually, in 2013. And I thought I'd share our list of with you.

1. Focus on healthier eating habits by: making a meal plan every week, only plan on eating out 1 meal/week, have a fruit and vegetable with every meal, and no dessert unless it's a special occasion.
2. Do something active as a family at least once a week
3. Find a church home and get involved in at least one way
4. Establish and commit to a better bedtime routine with the kids by: being consistent on the time, being consistent on how they fall asleep, and being consistent on whether or not they come into our bed
5. Go on a date at least once a month
6. Have dinner with Jacinda and Clint (my sister and brother in law) once a week as often as possible
7. Go on a trip without the kids this year
8. Visit Colorado twice this year
For Jimmy:
1. Spend at least 1 full week at the farm during Spring and Harvest season
2. Buy a dirt bike and ride it a few weekends this year with friends
3. Work less - focus on being home at 5pm every day
For Jenna:
1. Join at least 1 club, organization, or group this year
2. Establish a cleaning schedule and ask Jimmy for help
3. Update the bow blog and work on increasing the business
4. Do something fun with the kids at least once a week outside the home

So that's our list. I feel like they are so realistic yet will be such positive changes for us as a family and as individuals. I am beyond blessed to have a husband that recognizes when I am struggling and is there to walk along side me and figure out how to make it better. I also know that it's just me that feels alone, that I am absolutely not alone, never. Aside from the fact that God is always always there for me, I have countless friends and family that I know is there, if I just reach out and ask for their help!

So that's that - an honest post from a very honest place in my heart. It's not always easy for me to admit when I'm struggling but I know that it is so helpful not only for me, but others that may be experiencing some of the same things.