So Long Insecurities

This fall I did a women’s bible study at Prairie Lakes church called “So Long Insecurities”. It’s a Beth Moore study and after going back and forth a bit – they offer 4-5 different studies - I settled on that one with a friend due to our current feelings after having a baby, primarily thinking about my insecurity regarding my post baby body. However, I soon realized that not only is this a universal struggle for so many women (body image) but there are so many other “faces” to insecurity.

There were about 30-40 women in our study and it was both large group discussion based and smaller discussions with those at your table. I got to know some women really well as we discussed issues in our lives, past and present, that make us who we are.

Beth Moore is such a talented writer. I had done one of her studies while living in NC and really liked it but with this book I was taken aback by the amount of research and opinions she provided us from the male perspective.

As I discovered my own insecurities with my body image, female relationships, past dating relationships, creativity, etc. it never once crossed my mind to think about how those insecurities affected Jimmy, and the other men in my life.

Beth Moore provided extensive research that she compiled from hundreds of men to share with us their perspective. I remember reading things like “its pathetic” “why don’t they just believe us when we tell them they’re beautiful” “it affects every aspect of our lives in one way or another” “why does she always need my reassurance that she looks good” I mean honestly, think about how those responses sound? “It’s pathetic” is exactly what it is.

I feel a constant struggle between my own feelings and sense of ownership to them and the “it’s pathetic” there are so many more important things than _____ response.

Aren’t we allowed the chance to feel unworthy, not pretty, fat, not a good enough friend, etc? And if so where is the line between God’s image and our own selfish desires to want to be more or better?

I think it’s such an interesting topic and good food for thought. The idea that we are enough and that God designed us exactly how we are, with these talents, and this body, and that he truly doesn’t care if you weight 100 or 500 lbs is refreshing isn’t it?!

While I think it’s good to always keep perspective of God and his perfect image of us it’s also good to want to better yourself, be healthy, work on your struggles, let go of your past. After all, those are the things that make us who we are, right?!

I decided not to do a study this winter/spring because of my work schedule and wanting to keep my days off to spend with Lily but, I really enjoyed my time with that group of women this fall and plan to do it again down the road to see what else God has in store for this little mind of mine J

kitty kitty

Here's my latest obsession......

These are those Sally Hansen press on nail polishes that you can buy right at Target for 8 bucks - IN LOVE! They are so so easy to put on and seriously last for weeks! I recently discovered them and may never paint my nails old school style again :) While I still believe in the occassional manicure these honestly will save me lots of money at the nail salon and I'm loving the fun prints they have - especially this leopard print one that's cleverly named "kitty kitty" !

new years in cali

I think this is my last catching up from the holidays blog - yeah!

As I mentioned in my Christmas blog we flew out to San Diego just after Christmas to spend a week in the sunshine with my family. My aunt, mom's sister, has been in California ever since she was 18 so they've been there my whole life and this is only the 2nd time I've gone to visit - terrible! But, alas, we all went in celebration of my cousin, Willie's New Years Eve wedding and we had a blast!

My mom and dad, sister Jacinda and hubby Clint, Jimmy, Lily and I all flew out of Des Moines together on the 28th. It was two quick flights with a layover in between in Denver and we were in the sunshine! I don't think I have to say how much of a warm weather, beach, ocean, and relaxing kind of girl I am so I was thrilled to be there opposed to the cold weather in Iowa.

We met my sister Kirsten and her family there as they were flying in from Denver the following day. My parents rented us a 4 bedroom house for the week so that we could all be together in the same space and it was great. Each family had their own room and that worked out well, especially with the kiddos.

The first day we arrived we spent some time getting settled in, getting some groceries for the week, and then spent some time at my aunts with the rest of the family in the afternoon before back to our place for pizza that night. It was awesome to spend time with everyone - especially since we don't see our family from CA very often!

The next few days were spent with a little shopping trip (in LOVE with Nordstorms Rack), lots of time at the beach, a few trips to In-n-Out Burger, a 1st birthday party at SeaWorld for my nephew Sam, and the wedding, of course!

checking out the ocean

1st time at the beach

hanging out at the house - dad, sam, and asher

rehearsal dinner

bride and groom - willie & mackenzie

The wedding was great also. It was a beautiful outdoor ceremony, with a cocktail hour overlooking the mountains, sunset, and palm trees - LOVE!, and then a fun reception filled with plenty of dancing - their dance floor was packed the whole night, so much fun! And then of course ringing in the new year complete with party hats, horn blowers, and confetti poppers. Fun fun night!

bride & groom

mom & dad

my sisters  & i at the ceremony

my grandma & grandpa dieken

our family at the wedding

my aunts dancing the night away!

baby girl & i

our family of 3 - lily the party animal who was there until the end!

sister kirsten & i ringing in the new year

mom & dad dancing

happy new year - sister jacinda and hubby clint

The highlight of the trip for me was definitely bringing Lily to the ocean for the first time. Honestly I can't explain how much I love the beach and the water - it's so relaxing for me and I just absolutely love the feeling of warm sunshine! And it was fun to watch Lily see the beach and ocean for the first time. She dug her tiny little fingers and toes into the sand and just relaxed too - I think she takes after her mama on this one :) She wasn't so sure about the ocean - I don't blame her, it was cold! But I love sharing these first experiences with our baby girl. Although we will have to bring her back in a few years when she will actually remember it!

beach time!

on to Sea World

kirsten & the birthday boy sammy

checking out the sea lions

checking out the fish

shamu

Overall it was a great trip. We have gone on warm trips the last few years during Christmas time and I could get used to that! Maybe we will start that as a tradition!

8 month pics

Here's the pictures from her 8 month "shoot" - as you can see she doesn't like to sit still! Enjoy!

8 months

Tuesday marked Lily May's 8th month of life. Each month she learns new things and shows us more of her little personality - she is so much fun and continues to be a very easy baby!

This month she experienced many firsts - she had her 1st Christmas, her 1st vacation and 1st plane ride (she did great!), and she saw the ocean for the 1st time - precious! Jimmy and I think she will love the beach like her mama as she spent most of the time at the ocean with her hands and feet dug into the sand, lounging, and taking it all in. It was so fun to see Jimmy dip her little toes into the water and watch her giggle with delight.

Other new things for her this month was some new foods - squash, green beans, peas, mum mums, yogurt melts, cheese, eggs, potatoes, bread, and ice cream and licorice - gotta love Grandma's! :) She continues to like most everything but bananas and yogurt are still her favorites. I now feed her twice a day - in the mornings and at night and nurse her 4-5 times a day.

She's wearing mostly 12 months clothes now and using our home scale and measuring technique weighs in at 21.4 lbs (just a little less than 1 more lb from last month). We actually moved her into the next size car seat this month too. She was right on the edge of the limits and Jimmy was leaving town for a few weeks so we just made the switch. She's growing!

She also a very busy little girl, pulling herself up on everything, taking steps with her walker and while holding hands, "dancing" to music, clapping her hands, peeking out of her bumper in her crib and pulling herself up in her crib - we had to lower her mattress this month!

The most precious memory for me this month was her saying "mama" - she has mumbled it several times before but we didn't think or know if she was associating it with me, until the other day. I was feeding her in the chair in her room and wasn't looking at her, I was messing with my phone or reading, and I heard her say "mama" I looked down at her and she was staring right at me with a huge smile. It melted my heart. She nows says it frequently - sometimes when I know she wants me sometimes amongst her other babble. But, I know now that shes knows that's my name and there's nothing sweeter!

Lily May - you continue to bring joy to every one of our days. You are precious beyond words and we adore you. Your laughter, contagious personality, need to know what's going on around you, and playfulness is so fun to be a part of. We can't wait to watch you grow and learn about the world around you. May you always know how much your loved baby girl. Happy 8 months!

**Pictures to come - I can't get them pulled off my iphone....

a new year

For the past few years Jimmy and I have spent some time over the Christmas break talking about the past year - all the memories, blessings, struggles, achievments, etc. As well as discuss our goals, not resolutions, for the next year. I like to focus on the year ahead and some things that I can work on to better myself by achieving in that coming year. I think I started our conversation this year with, "what annoys you about me?" Pretty risky huh?! But I think it's a good starting place when reflecting on yourself and things you can do to improve and make life more enjoyable for those around me. Because really when it comes down to it that's what I want people to say/think when they hear my name "joy" "happy" "kind" "loving" - don't we all?!

So, here are the areas in which I'm going to focus some effort in 2012:

1. Simplify our home. I feel like we have so much stuff. Too many clothes, shoes, coats, decorations, picture frames, cords, just everything! With some help from friends (thank you) I have already started on simplifying my wardrobe. I had tubs full of clothes I hadn't worn in years that just needed to go. So I invited some friends to come shopping in my basement. One girl bought 40 items, another got 25, another 20, a few got 10 and I still have stuff left....that should tell you something! But what a great feeling, after a little anxiety, to get rid of unneeded stuff!
2. Focus on health. The overused "lose weight" resolution, right? Well notice how I didn't say lose weight but rather to focus on our health. I feel like we do a pretty good job at eating healthy. I fix mostly healthy meals and eat a salad for lunch probably 5 out of 7 days however, I drink too much diet coke and Jimmy drinks too much pop and we both love sugar. So a little (or alot) less pop and less sugar this year and a little more moving out booty's. Which leads me to my next one....
3. Drink more water and less Diet Coke. Darnit. Anyone who knows me knows I love diet coke. I always have some in our fridge and typically limit my intake to 1 can a day but sometimes that's more and it's never less. So, my plan is to stop buying it and having it in our home. I am going to allow myself it at restaurants, to grab a fountain pop (I especially love diet coke fountain pop) while out and about but I want to make it a little harder to get and a little more of a treat. BTW - I drank the last one we had in our fridge yesterday so today was my first day of no diet coke and I survived :)
4. Spend more time 1 on 1 with Jimmy. Whether this means more date nights, more alone time at night, more weekend overnights, or all of the above I want my relationship with my husband to always be important enough to spend time together. While I love our child so so much I want her, and any future children, to know that Daddy is #1 (after God of course) and that we will always invest in our relationship and one another.
5. Pray Intentionally. I need more focused prayers. I tend to just babble when talking to God, which I think is great because it allows me to just be me and to be casual with God but at the same time I need to think about those that I told I'd pray for them, think about the things I want to pray for for Lily and Jimmy, and other family members daily; I want to bring all the desires, concerns, hardships to Him and allow Him to show me His will. So I want to be more intentional in my daily prayers.
6. Watch less TV. I am a reality TV show junky. I love them all - the Bachelor/Bachelorette, Biggest Loser, the Kardashians, Real Housewives, House Hunters - you get the picture. So I want to have the TV on less this year and give up some of these shows. I have already begun by deleting my Biggest Loser DVR for the season. This will also help with goals 4 and 5 :)

And that's it. Not too many, not too few, enough to be a challenge but not too much to be unachieveable. I really pray that these things will improve in 2012 and that when we look back at our year a year from now we can say we focused on them. Hope you're 2012 is off to a great start!

deck the halls

I love decorating for Christmas. This year is the first in a long time that I felt like I could go all out. Last year in Springfield we decorated but not everything since we knew we'd be back in Iowa for majority of our Christmas break. And previous years was the same story - always traveling back for the holidays. But this year I went all out and add touches of Christmas to almost every room. I love it. I love the bright Christmas colors and all the fun things you can do with decorations  by simply altering the decor you already have around your house. Here's some pictures of our Christmas deocrations this year!

the outside - i wanted lights on all the peaks but my husband didn't want to die attempting

my tulle wreath and present pots (pinterest idea)

little touches

BIG evergreen wreath between informal and formal dining room

nativity - we got this as a gift for our wedding, awesome wedding gift!

the mantle - my favorite part!

our little but colorful christmas tree - we will see if i convince Jimmy to get a real one next year!

informal dining area

more little touches

Lily's tree in her bathroom

 

staircase of christmas cards - another pinterest idea!

formal dining room

downstairs landing

gift from my sister that she made - love it!