my heart this christmas

I've mentioned in previous posts about how your heart changes around Christmas time when you become a mom, I think it's inevitable.

I view Mary's role in the Christmas story so much differently now than I ever did before. As a mom you've experienced carrying and birthing a child. To think of Mary and the fear she must have had as a young girl carrying not only a child but the son of God. On top of that, could she really understand and comprehend how this baby got inside her in the first place? And the fear she must have felt telling Joesph, knowing how much she loved him and fulling expect him to leave her. And then there's the actual birth itself and not having anywhere to go. I mean imagine that - feeling your contractions and the pain you experience as you get closer and closer to the delivery of child and being on a back of a donkey! Now I know things were a bit different back then, that hospitals (as we know them) weren't an option but she wasn't even in a warm and safe place - not in a home or in a bed - but riding on a donkey. They had to have been absolutely desperate to find some place, any place. And they must have been to settle for a barn! Another thing I absolutely can not imagine. Now we all know I can be a little high maintenance :) but to think of giving birth in a stable surronded by animals, hay, the whole works - unbelievable! But Mary did it - because she had to, because she was called by God, because she didn't really have a choice - did she? And then the joy, the absolute relief, and the pride that she must have felt in herself and in Joesph - the man that stayed by her side through it all - as she held that little baby in her arms. Jesus. What would it feel like to look into the eyes of Jesus as a baby? Did Mary feel the same as I felt when I felt my baby girl? I think she did. I think she felt that instanteous unconditional love for her child. But I wonder if she felt more because of who He was.

I've played a Christmas song on repeat this year, over and over. It's by a good childhood friend of mine, Alli Rogers and its called Adorn. The lyrics just touch me so deeply. She sings about the birth of Jesus and wonders how the mountains could stay standing and how the rivers could still run. Could our hearts really be ready to hold the holy one? Such powerful words and so absolutely relevant and true. How could everything on this Earth not just stop and pause? She goes on to sing "I like to think there was a pause, I like to think there was a silence" But was there? The reality of it is that there probably wasn't. The world probably went right on about it's busy self. Does anything in this world ever just pause? The moment my baby was born I remember that pause and that silence in my heart as I looked into her eyes for the first time, but did everyone else pause and/or be silent, no. The nurses carried on, the doctor completed her job. But was it the same for the Savior of the World?

Here's her lyrics and the link to listen on youtube. Thanks Alli for writing such a deeply moving song and for speaking so clearly to my heart this Christmas through these words.

I like to think

there was a pause

I like to think there was a silence

when all the wind stopped blowing

all the trees bowed low

sharing in a secret

there must have been a million stars

that must have shaken at the moment you arrived

how could the mountains stay standing

how could the rivers still run

did the earth fall before you

how could our hearts be ready

to hold the holy one

how could we ever adorn you?

the voice of God

in a babies cry

sometimes I wonder how it sounded

and all the angels listened

bet they all came down

wish I could hear that chorus

there must have been a million songs

written at the very moment you arrived

how do you clothe the one who hung the stars

warm the hands that wrought the sun

how do you lift a child in your arms

He who carries everyone

Written and sung by Alli Rogers
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=JhAUVdPTUqE