pregnant

August 25, 2010

How can you put into words the feelings you have when you first find out you are pregnant? I’m not sure there are any.

Last night we found out we were pregnant.

Let me tell you how this transpired.

It was a normal night for us, got home from work, relaxed for a few minutes, went for a run together in amazing weather for the first time in a long while, made and had dinner together, then Jimmy headed outside to mow and do some yardwork. So I did a few more things around the house – cleaning up and folding laundry, putting dinner away, etc. and decided to hop in the shower. Jimmy had made several joking comments lately about me being pregnant so I thought, what the heck, I’ll take a test - fully anticipating a negative result. So much so that I actually peed on the stick, set it on the bathroom floor, and hopped in the shower. I’m not going to lie, my mind started to wonder while I stood in the shower “what if I am pregnant, is this good timing, are we really ready, will it be healthy, will it be a boy or girl?” So I finished up my shower and jumped out, quickly grabbing the stick sitting on the floor. When I first glanced and saw 2 pink lines I said to myself “yep, not pregnant” but then I looked again at the “legend” next to the results window and realized maybe 2 lines means pregnant. So began the short debate in my head as to what 2 pink lines really meant, and I quickly concluded that yes, I am pregnant according to this little stick. Now what? I have to tell Jimmy, but he’s mowing, I’m in a towel, should I do it in a clever way or just run outside? Well, I just ran. I ran into the garage, towel wrapped around me, stick in hand and hollered Jimmy’s name a dozen times or so until he finally heard me. He quickly killed the mower and walked into the garage as I waved the stick. I immediately started crying and I’m not sure he knew what to think. We went inside and continued analyzing the stick – is that second line dark enough, close enough to the other one, is it really two lines? He calmed me down a bit, with a big grin on his face he hugged me as we sat on the couch for a few minutes. He then headed back out to finish mowing. So here I sit, now knowing I’m pregnant. What a strange feeling. I feel like I should feel different, but I don’t. Can you really get pregnant after not having a period for 4 months? What if the test is faulty? How do I know for sure? What do I need to do differently? I just got a fertility book from my sister because we were convinced I would have some trouble getting pregnant, guess we don’t need that book! So many things ran through my mind in that first hour as I anxiously awaited Jimmy to come back inside.

When Jimmy got back in we sat on the couch, smiled at each other a lot, and talked about what this actually meant. Jimmy wasn’t convinced it was true. I believe his exact words were “you better take another one in the morning, I just don’t trust those pee sticks”

So I took another one first thing the next morning, only to find 2 more pink lines.

So, now here we sit. Married 4 months and pregnant.

Along with all the emotions I felt when first discovering this news I must say the greatest emotion was pure excitement and happiness. In my heart I felt I would have trouble getting pregnant. I was prepared for a long road ahead of charting my cycles, doctor’s appointments, possible fertility medications, etc. I had wrestled with the thoughts of all this planning in my head for a few months now. Questions like; should we really be the ones to determine what month we want to get pregnant, do we want to actually know the exact date/time that we conceived our child, do you base these things off what gender you would prefer? So many questions and so much uncertainty on how I and we really felt about them. But, the amazing thing is, we don’t have to worry about it!

We were blessed with the amazing gift of a child growing in my belly without a predesigned plan for it.

If you allow yourself to think of all the “what ifs” or all the things you need to do to prepare in the next 9 months you’ll drive yourself crazy.

So, I have decided that this next month we will enjoy our time together and be crazy excited for the gift God has entrusted to us. Of course, not without a little shopping thoughJ